there's paper in my vomit.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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