im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
