Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Blow job season was short but glorious.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
