I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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