You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
