The brown eye won't let me do that either.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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