please come you make the beer taste better
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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