I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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