I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
