Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
