the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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