There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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