I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
