At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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