just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I want to make a zoo with you.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
A bitchslap is in order.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
