I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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