Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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