you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize