oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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