I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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