Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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