Sponge bath it is.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
