then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize