Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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