meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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