Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i now understand why vodka
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
