omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
