At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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