A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
