I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
