and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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