This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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