He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
