Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
