This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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