Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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