I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
