so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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