and she was petting her beer can
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
