she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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