I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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