You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize