And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
