she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
