Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize