Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
