i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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