thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
