Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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