Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
