Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
it glows. i had to have it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
