he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
