My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
