just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
