the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
