Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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