I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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