Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
