I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you didnt know i had herpes?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
